My three year old handed me a cup of dirty water
“I’m a maker, Dada.”
My three year old proceeds to dip a dirty cup into a dirty bucket of water on the driveway for me to drink.
I pretend to drink it.
At the end of the day, I think we want our children to be makers. To be creators. To leave things a little bit better. Produce more than consume.
When we zoom out on life, I don’t think we’re going to care about the acquisition, the revenue growth, the gross margin improvement, etc.
(All of these “achievements” can be a means of becoming a better person along the way. They are not the point.)
We were brought into the world in the family room.
We’re going to leave this world in the family room.
What is going to matter most is if the table in that room is crowded or empty.
How sad it would be to build a family business empire, a mansion of a home with no one interested in stepping foot in the palace.
A full bank account and empty chairs is not wealth.
Now think about everything pulling you away from the table.
Last week we walked the four rooms. Today, we’re focused on the room I’d protect above all the others.
Look at the hats you wear in all the rooms of your family system.
Here’s a list of some of the hats I wear.
Operator
Owner
Chairman
Trustee
Spouse
Parent
Son
Cousin
Nephew
Sibling
Friend
(What hats do you wear? I'd love to hear the ones I'm missing.)
You are juggling all of them at once.
Here is the thing about the family hats. They are made of glass. Every other hat you wear is made of wool.
Drop the work hat and you can pick it up. Drop the board hat and it can be picked up.
Drop the family hat(s) and it shatters.
You can sweep up the pieces. You may not be able to put them back together.
This is why we are talking about the family room first. Keeping the family together is the hardest part.
(And the most important.)
Family loves you so much that they won’t yell for your attention. The business will certainly yell for all of your attention and some.
I’m six years into my journey of parenting. I’ve got a lot to learn. This is how I’m thinking about the family room today.
The family room is the manufacturing plant of character as an individual. It is homebase for a deep sense of belonging and love before going out into the harsh outside world.
It is where we develop future stewards.
The challenge in family business is that money amplifies character. We need to make sure the character being amplified is worth being amplified.
James Hughes captures it best for me through his five forms of capital. In the family room, I am focused on the four qualitative ones. The fifth, financial capital, is the by-product. It takes care of itself when the other four are healthy.
These are the real currencies that compound at the table:
Spiritual capital: a purpose bigger than yourself (faith)
Social capital: relationships with others and community (how you treat people)
Intellectual capital: knowledge, skills, wisdom (competency)
Human capital: values and character (what you do when no one is looking)
These four forms of capital are the real currencies to compound in the family room.
The reality with kids is that it's caught, not taught. They are always watching.
Living my child's childhood is my goal.
Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Everything comes down to how we spend it.
Three tactics my wife and I lean into:
Family dinners. Strategically getting to as many as we can.
Family trips.
Quarterly board meetings with the kids.
That last one is one of the best investments I'm making. (I've written about it here and here.)
We can't control extended family. We can deeply influence our immediate family, especially in the little years. That window is open now, and it does not stay open forever.
Action expresses priority. I'm constantly reworking my calendar so it reflects what I say matters.
May we take strides toward a crowded table of makers.
A table set for meaningful work and meaningful relationships.
What have you found that works in your own family room?
Onward,
Matt
P.S. The dirty cup of driveway water? I pretended to drink it while he had a big smile. Right now I'm the one being handed things. The day is coming when I hand him the cup. What's in it will be whatever I'm pouring into him now.